Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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