You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
