awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
