I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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