THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
