my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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