I could make wine with my vomit
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
