he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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