I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Randomize
