You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
