I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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