he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
