How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
