i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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