I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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