i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
