oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
