Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
