I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize