I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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