i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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