If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
