As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
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Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
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stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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