I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
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I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
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New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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