I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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