apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
is wine microwaveable?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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