My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
