I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
