we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
All the doctor said was why
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
