lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
