Pappa wants mamma naked
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
