So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
