I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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