literally had 100 drinks last night.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
