I wish my penis had an off switch
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
