would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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