I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
