How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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