My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
