YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
