well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
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Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize