We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
