I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
