I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
