This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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