R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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