Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
