I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
