thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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