Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
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