im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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