Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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