So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
We named our party play list daddy issues
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
