it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
