It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
