I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
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The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
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Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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