Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
