My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
